Let me tell you a story about how one single snake made the sun disappear. There was a snake named Ammon which means hidden one in ancient Egyptian. He was named this because the snake liked to sunbathe in places that he blended in. So, he would sunbathe in the sand which was the same color as his scales; and people cried out and called him Ammon when he ran away from under their feet. One of Ammon's favorite sunbathing places was on a busy footpath. Many people learned that Ammon would be somewhere along the path and would tread lightly near the creature's path. The king of the land didn't heed the peoples warning. Now focusing on the king, Ra, and his wife, Isis. Ra was the sun god but had transformed into his human form to be with the people in Egypt. Isis had done the same thing but was growing tired of the sun god. He was an all-powerful being an Isis had grown jealous of his powers. Ra had grown old during his centuries on earth and was not as sharp as he used to be. Isis used this as an opportunity to seize some of Ra's power. While Ra was walking along the busy footpath, Isis noticed the snake laying in the sand asleep. The goddess devised a plan to use some of Ra's body to give the snake power to harm him. Ra was accompanied by different friends and talked to them while walking on the path. Because of his old age, he spat more when he talked to his friends. The spit had hit the sleeping snake and Isis saw her opportunity. Casting a spell on the snake she spoke in his head for him to bite the king. Ammon woke up confused because he was never able to understand much human language. Before making his decision, Ra stepped on the snake and made Ammon very angry. Ammon bit the king in the leg and slithered away from the busy path. Because Isis had cast a spell over the snake, the venom that coursed through the king made him feel pain. The king cried out for help from his friends and wife. Isis attempted to heal the king but made it appear that the normal spells wouldn't work. Isis told Ra that if he was to be healed, she would have to know his secret name that gave him his incredible powers. After some time, Ra declared that the seal on his heart be broken and that Isis should know his true name. After this the king vanished and the sky turned black. The kingdom of Egypt erupted in chaos and people knew the king had died because there was no longer light. Then, Isis heard the secret name in her heart and drained the poison from Ammon into the ground. Ra appeared from thin air and the sun popped back up in the sky. The kingdom rejoiced and Isis was able to grow more powerful with her husband's secret name. Ammon learned to stay away from human paths and find some new favorite sunbathing places that wouldn't cause the day to turn black.
Author's Note: I took many of the same elements from the original story I read in the
Egyptian Myth and Legend stories by Donald Mackenzie. The original story did not have much focus on the invisible snake that Isis created that bit Ra. I decided to change the story by making the snake the main focus to change the story telling style. However, the rest of the story line stayed the same but I worded it different from the original text.
Howdy,
ReplyDeleteI like the story of the snake and the focus on him. I am a little confused about the story, I guess that I really did not understand why isis was plotting against her husband. I think the story would read easier if you break it up into paragraphs, I found myself getting a little lost in the chunk of text.
Hey there Marissa! I really enjoyed reading your story. Like Charley said in the comment above, it would have been easier to read if it was broken up into paragraphs. Thankfully, I have read the original story before, and so I was able to understand what was going on! I really liked the changes that you made and how you shifted the focus over a bit. Ra is one of my favorite characters to read about, and so I may be a bit biased, but keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Marissa! Your story was very intriguing! I really appreciated the plot of the story and how easy it was to read. Like the two said before, it would be a little easier to read if the large paragraph was broken up into smaller chunks. I got a little lost a few times because of this! I also really liked the jealousy aspect of the story and how the story used the snake to fulfill Isis's plot against Ra! Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Marissa, I was super intrigued by reading your story. It kept my interest the whole time and I really feel like you did a great job of rewriting it. It was cool to see a change in perspective and to read a little bit of a different take on this story. Overall, great job! I can't wait to keep reading your stories this semester!
ReplyDeleteHi, Marissa,
ReplyDeleteGreat idea to focus on the snake and tell the story from that focused perspective. It is so well written. I love when narrators and perspectives change. It's the best way to tell a story and you've really done a great job here.
Hi Marissa!
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was really great, and really well written. The idea of true names was very interesting to me, because as a kid, I loved the Kane Chronicles series, which revolved around the use of secret names. I think the change in perspective also added a lot to the story. I look forward to reading more of your writing!